Developmental phases of play

It often happens that parents show concern when their child plays the same thing over and over, all the time when we are in the play room (stimming). They would like us to introduce a more essential activity (to them) during our play time with the child. They are afraid stimming will get in the way of the child’s development. They would prefer that we take away the object which makes the child closes himself away from us, because they want to see progress.

We do try to introduce something new to the child of course, very often. We observe though that the child usually handles the new object in the same way as the one he likes to play with, or he doesn’t give it any attention at all.

I agree that stimming gives us less opportunities for communication. We would like to laugh more together and we would appreciate it if the child asked for a ‘normal’ toy, like a car or a balloon. But since he enjoys this special object and this obviously is meaningful to him?? Who am I to give him the message that his play is not good enough, that I want something else?

It shows a lack of patience if we want the child’s development to go faster. It is necessary to stick to his level of playing as long as it takes. I want to pass the message to him that I am completely with him! And since we are doing whatever it is that he likes so much, the situation gives me many opportunities for communication. If a child is not ready to play at a different level, he cannot do anything about that.

Giannis is tapping objects with his hands or he licks them. With every toy/object he does the same. Bricks, musical instruments, boxes, everything has the same function for him at his play level. He does not have the intention to hit the one brick to the other in order to make a noise. I understand that, because he does not mimic me when I show him different activities sometimes. It is a big step forward though that he observes soap bubbles now, while some months ago he did not see them at all. He now tries to break them and he enjoys them for a short while. Giannis functions at the first level of play development. It has happened that he hit one brick to another with my encouragement. He will certainly get to the second level.

Konstantinos plays with strings or shoe laces all the time. He swings them up and down, he hits them on walls and objects. If he does not have strings, he does the same thing with other objects. Since he needs so much to hold strings in his hands, it gives me the opportunity to learn him to ask me to give him yet another one (giving me a card). I can show him all the time how much I enjoy playing with strings with him. I can explain to him that I will take the strings away from him after I count till five and I will give them back to him immediately. He accepts that, because he trusts that I will give them back to him as soon as he looks at me or as soon as he points his finger at them. He would not progress if I would let him play with the strings on his own, having the thought that he has shut himself from me. The truth is that he shuts himself from me less and less. I observe that while he is playing with his strings, and me too with mine, he often looks at me and he listens to me when I propose him to hit the athletic ball together! There will come a time that he gets up the ladder of play development. We have to respect the time every child needs and we have to trust that he will make this step some day.

I will now describe the phases children pass through when they mature and grow.

Play developmental phases from one to four years old.

1st year

Simply handling objects, without structure: pushing, throwing. Sensory discovering.

2nd year

Combining objects, testing out: the filling and emptying, putting the one object next to the other or on top of the other. Hitting two objects together, in order to produce sound. Discovering the mobility of an object.

3rd year

Construction play. Bricks form towers or lines. Simple puzzles. The child mimics everything he sees, not what he remembers. He plays mostly next to other children, not with them.

4th year

The child is interested in combining play material. Mimicry plays a big role, there is a start in fantasy play. Cooperation in play.

Often, children playing rather stereotypical are also on a lower communicational level. It is a blessing that they want to play with some object in a stimming way, because that creates the opportunity for them to learn to ask in a social way.