Ideas and Initiatives

There are many families who go through very difficult situations. It might even be that these situations disrupt the life of the family members. Everyone has the right to have a good quality of life, which sometimes is difficult when there is an autistic child in the family.

Especially when the child grows up and becomes an adult, the problems might cause a chronic fatigue to the parents. The physical fatigue has accumulated, but we shouldn't underestimate the psychological fatigue either! The thoughts of the future or the weakness of not being able to relax are caused by the fact that the child always comes first, whereas the rest comes next. All these things cost a lot of energy. The health of the parents could be at risk, which poses the question of what could be the consequence of that.

Of course during the years there have been many conversations about whether the child should be sent to an institution or not. Nevertheless, steps towards this option have never really been taken, as this would be too definite and disappointing for the parents. There are so many mixed feelings in all those years: the parents have been protecting their child as much as they could, they feel responsible for his wellbeing.

Though there is another side to this matter. Is it certain that each change is very difficult for the child, but have you ever thought that the child might have become tired of the supernatural efforts of the parents to survive each day?? The yelling at home due to the extreme fatigue and helplessness of the members of the family are remembered by the child and these memories contribute, without doubt, to the behavioural problems. How would you feel if you received the message from your mother that she can't stand her confinement and the eternal care that she offers you?

The feelings that are as associated with every talk and thought about the institution are strong and negative. Guilt, disappointment, incapacity, shame, sadness.... We shouldn't underestimate those feelings. They are realistic and natural and they are feelings that concern the parents.

There could also be positive thoughts though, like: my child can have a better time there, because his behaviours will not be judged like at home. There they know how to handle his behavioural problems - it could even lead to a decrease in his problems, as he won't have his parents being occupied with him all the time.... His parents will be able to take him home during the weekends and they will be happy to see him. They will be refreshed and relaxed and they will want to have a good time with him. Often there are other children in the family too, who also deserve to take a break and to live a life without all this anxiety. Their needs should be noticed too.

Each issue is always two-sided. Nothing is totally positive or totally negative. It is difficult to assess what would be better to do. We should look at all sides of the issue. One step forward will be made if we can accept our feelings, because especially the negative feelings hardly ever guide us to good decisions!